Property of Jacob Black
by aussiefangirl
Summary: Why am I writing this? Why have I decided to finally keep a journal, when I barely finish a school assignment? For her, for Renesmee, to one day look back and remember every silly, chaotic, beautiful precious memory of every second I spent with her. Because one moment could possibly never be dull enough to forget. Follow Jacob and his journey with Renesmee..
1. September 13th

September 13th

It's been 48hrs since everything in my life has changed. A fight between wolves and vampires, the girl I thought I loved for all these years died…briefly.. than miraculously came back to life. However the blood no longer flows through her veins, her cheeks are now pale along with the rest of her face and the warm clumsy girl I once knew has gone. But under it all she was still the Bella I was hoping she'd stay.. except for being a blood sucking vamp. But the one thing I hadn't been expecting out of this whole experience. Was this one little infant, one tiny baby girl, Renesmee; The daughter of Bella and Edward Cullen. The girl I imprinted on. Her hair was the bronze brown that her father had and his stumpy nose, but it's definitely much cuter on her, everything else though was Bella, the eyes, the smile and the complexion she once had. With one instant look into her innocent brown eyes, I was completely and unconditionally hers. The anger I felt towards her disappeared in an instance and suddenly it all made sense, why things never felt right with Bella and even though she hadn't conceived this child at the time, there was something there that one day would be my world, my life, my forever. Renesmee, Nessie.

Why am I writing this? Why have I decided to finally keep a journal, when I barely finish a school assignment? For her, for Renesmee, to one day look back and remember every silly, chaotic, beautiful precious memory of every second I spent with her. Because one moment could possibly never be dull enough to forget.

Imprinting become so much clearer to me although this sweet little child still has no idea of what I have done, I just hope that one day she will grow to love me the way I will cherish and love her. I know it's crazy for this to even happen. I mean she isn't even 5 days old and I'm talking about forever, but I know that's what a life time will mean for us. I will never stop phasing as long I get to be with her and with the insight from Nahuel she will be around for a long time.

All I hope for is that, when Nessie is old enough to understand imprinting , hopefully she will accept it a lot better than her mother, I mean I knew Bella wouldn't take it well but she didn't exactly take it the way I wanted but… I'm just glad that Bella and Edward are trying to accept my new status of one day being with their daughter in more ways than just one. Edward clearly dreading it most as he can see clearly into our thoughts and witness everything that one day will happen, how do I know? I'm already getting the lectures and rules. Maybe Bella will be able to shield us from him. But for now I'm just happy to hold this beautiful baby girl in my arms, rock her to sleep, sing lullabies, feed her and help her grow into the beautiful young woman I know she will become.

Renesmee. My Nessie. I play it over and over again in my head. It never gets old. My dreams are blissful and serene, flashes of our future or what I want our future to be, her small hand on my cheek repeating the moment of when I imprinted, the feeling of gravity no longer being what holds me to this earth, everything is now about her and every minute, no, every second away from her kills me more than I will ever be able to explain.

But what scares me most of all, is that she won't feel the same way..but she has too. Doesn't she? I mean imprinting wouldn't work if there weren't at least some mutual feelings between us even though she is still an infant. Maybe she will grow up naturally knowing that I'm the one she will one day be with, or is that just wishful thinking? If only journals provided answers for every tough situation. All I can do is wait and for her I'll wait as long as she wants…or as long as it takes.

Well guess that's all I have time for the cries of a hungry awoken Nessie is calling and I am in need of a much needed cuddle from my angel. Until next time. -Jacob


	2. September 18th

September 18th

My Renesmee is one week old today and her growth over the past week is incredible. She's already the size of a 1 year old. Her features are becoming more defined and her brown eyes seem to have turned a darker shade of chocolate. Sometimes it feels like a dream, that I'm just going to wake up and my little Renesmee will no longer be, however it has not yet happened…it just makes me realize how real my Nessie is.

Bella assisted me with my first diaper change yesterday, what a laugh it was. I don't think I'll be doing another one any time soon…Bella wasn't too impressed that I used a whole bottle of baby powder on one little child's bottom. But how was I supposed to know there was a limit…I'd never changed a baby's diaper in my life. Poor Renesmee looked like she had been left out in the snow; she was paler than the pale faces. I'll never hear the end of this from Edward or Blondie and I'm sure it's a story that will be spieled at my wedding or my 21st or some event that have moments to embarrass me in some way…Just as long as Nessie can see the funny side of it, then everything will be ok..I mean it even sounds awkward that I'm changing her diaper and maybe when she's grows up she may just look at me as Uncle Jake not a future boyfriend or husband..if she will even consider me being that. Maybe I should just leave the diaper changing up to Bella or Edward…unless Bella forces another change on me..for, what did she say? Oh right.. "practice". I don't plan on having children any time soon Bella! But the thought of it I must admit sounds nice.

We've all placed bets on what we think Nessie's first word will be. 'Dad' is currently in lead, but I'm convinced it will be Jake, all my money is on me so really it's a win win sort of situation. There's no way of losing. But at least I got all Emmett's money on me too. Besides I'm a lot cooler than Edward, I'm sure Ness can see that and will want to say my name first.

As I write this Ness is in a deep sleep curled up in my left arm, her rosy cheeks are flushed a light pink, her mouth dropped slightly open and her tiny hands pressing softly against my chest. I can feel my warmth radiating onto her, sometimes I worry I will smother her in it, but she loves it and cuddles in more towards me. It's quite beautiful, I can hear her little heart beating calmly and sometimes I can even feel the gentle beat against my chest. But the moment I love is when she wakes up, her chocolate eyes beam instantly as her eyes reach mine as if to say, "never let me go" she doesn't give this look to anyone else after waking up, I feel she is looking straight into my soul and seeing me for who I really am, seeing the love I feel towards her very existence, the happiness she has brought into my life, the blessing she really is to me and to everyone else who has the pleasure of being in her life even if it's only for a few seconds or a lifetime. Renesmee saved me from myself, without her I know I'd be alone, packless, stuck in limbo, lost in my own miserable thoughts. She has given me a reason to fight for something, for her, to protect, to hold, to love, to cherish. Renesmee Cullen is my soul mate, my angel, my existence and no one nor nothing can change that.

My dearest Renesmee, I'm yours forever. - _Jacob_


	3. October 31st, Part 1

October 31st

Wow what a journey it's been until now. Renesmee has grown. She is the size of a 6 year old. It's more incredible then how I said in my last entry. Her hair has grown and the colour has darkened, but only slightly. It's wavy and thick and hangs long, down to her waist. She calls me "Jake" or "My Jake" it's so sweet, her voice is like an angel whispering to my soul. She refuses to sleep without hugging me goodnight, so it's now part of my routine that I'm there at bedtime, which of course I don't mind, but it drives Edward insane that he's not the one she wants to hug goodnight. But I don't blame her. He's cold and a bloodsucker; I'm warm and her favourite person. I've noticed how distinct each of her relationships with the Cullens is, but she has nothing but pure love for them when she looks at them.

Although she is growing fast, her learning is developing just as quickly, she is reading books the size of Harry Potter, her abilities are getting stronger, we are learning just how gifted she is more and more every day. She can run as fast as a vampire, hear as good but she doesn't sparkle. She can eat both human food but loves to hunt on weekends for that extra drop of blood. Her ability of communicating through her hands has approved, she can now show people what's she thinking and create images to show how she's feeling. I've never seen anything like it. She's amazing. One minute with her just isn't enough.

But to the main reason I'm writing an entry today is because it's a special day. Today is Halloween; tonight I'm taking Nessie down to the res for a real Halloween. The pack and I planned a 'Wolf Party' down at La Push beach. But of course first of all I will be taking Nessie trick or treating. When Bella asked her what she wanted to dress up as, she said wolf, no hesitation. Oh how I enjoyed rubbing that into Edward, but Bella, encouraged her to be a little more original and dress up as a princess, which I can't wait to see, she's so much like Bella and definitely not into girly things. But Bella knows that she might have difficultly fitting in once she starts school, so the more normalcy the better. Of course we want her to be herself, but her life is already complicated enough with everything she is a part of. So after an hour of bargaining Bella finally won, but let's just say Ness puts up a good fight and is just as stubborn as her mother. Can't say she will never keep me on my toes. But as for what she bargained, she's lucky I love her because what she's got me doing I would never do for anyone else. How I was roped into the bargaining I'll never know, but somehow, I'm ah…I've gotta get dressed up too..as…Peter Pan. Alice is arranging costumes; I swear if there are tights, I don't know if I'll be able to hold it together. I swear the Cullens deliberately plan these things just to humiliate me. Edward and Blondie just love to rub this stuff in. Luckily we are just going around Forks. Nobody knows me, unless people from the res will go trick or treating there but I doubt it..or so I hope..maybe they won't recognize me. I mean Peter Pan must be a popular costume, there has to be plenty of others who will go as him…surely, right?

Well guess I better head over to the Cullens and see what my future holds, but as long as it's for Nessie, then I'll do anything. I'll be back later tonight to tell you how it went and to finish off this entry.

Happy First Halloween Renesmee -Jacob


	4. October 31st, Part 2

October 31st Part 2

Well that went well. I don't think an explanation of the green tights is necessary, the image will be forever etched into all of our minds considering the 50 million photos the Cullens took to as they say "look back on" as if I'd actually forget this day, I even made a little kid scream in terror of my appearance but let's not let Edward know that, I can't afford to have the Cullens laugh anymore at me then what they did before we left. But as I reminded myself this was for Nessie, we just wanted her to have a perfect first Halloween and that is exactly what she got. She was dressed up in the most extravagant princess dress I've ever seen (but hey what do you expect when you leave Alice in charge of costumes?), it billowed out in all directions, a light shade of pink and white and despite the half hour tantrum it took to get it on Nessie.. she still came running out wearing a huge smile the moment she heard my bike arrive in the drive. She is definitely the cutest little princess I've ever laid on eyes on.

By 6 o'clock we had made our way into Forks stopping by Charlie's first, Ness carried her little pumpkin container and watching her run up to the door, impatiently waiting to say Trick or Treat I couldn't help but smile ridiculously at her, her tiara kept her long hair from her face and her pink ballet shoes were already muddy just from Charlie's driveway, the bottom of the dress just beginning to get dirty and this was the first stop, oh I'll never forget the look on Alice's face when I dropped her off later this evening. It was gold, but the night went off without a hitch. Nessie ran from house to house with multiple other children, her pumpkin container neared full by the 6th house, so naturally I ended up having to be the second container and carry all the treats that she couldn't. I've never seen a little girl smile so much, it was a wonderland for her and spending time with children her age; she blossomed, fitting in as if she'd been doing this for years not just a month and a bit, it was just sad knowing that they would only be friends for the evening, her growth is too fast to have play dates with the other children but it didn't stop her, she continued on.

By 7:30 she grew tired, even though the amount of sugar she'd had should have been enough to keep her awake for a week but her metabolism ate too quickly through it, it didn't have time to affect her. Its strange witnessing how her body works, I'm stunned more and more each day by the changes that occur, I don't know how her body is managing to keep up with such drastic growth. She really is our little miracle.

By the time I got her home, she'd fallen asleep on the back seat, lost in her dress; I could hear her slow and steady breaths followed by her slow heart rate. She was smiling, implying she was dreaming, watching her, I found myself smiling, wanting nothing more than to scoop her up and hold her in my arms forever, but looking up into the windows of the Cullens house I saw Edward watching who was then joined by the rest of the Cullens waiting for me to take her in to see how the night went. Taking her up to her bedroom, I placed her on her bed, kneeling down next to her; she shifted as I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. I hadn't expected her to place a hand on mine but somehow in her sleep, she showed me her night, the memory of trick or treating, the little looks she snuck of me that I had no idea about and the overwhelming feeling of safety and happiness, it replayed over and over, I hadn't wanted it to stop, but Bella dragged me from my little angel, so I too could get some rest. Who knew being Peter Pan could get so tiring, I still think it was the tights though, no man should prance around in those, they are tight, like tight tight. Let's just say Edward can do next Halloween.

Anyway I'm spending the nights at the Cullens, still don't feel 100% safe leaving when all sorts of crazy are out on a night like this, so I'm gonna go do a perimeter check, just to make sure no one is lurking in the shadows. Night. -Jacob


End file.
